Fed up

Don't know where to start this one really!!

I know that some people r happy just to become there illness and r happy to pigeon hole themselves. But I am still Jane and I'm not happy or even comfortable with just being about my illness. Hence my user name 'tumour girl'! (my little piss take) :-) I feel like my tumour is just in the back ground of my life, NOT what I am or my life is about.
Of course it has changed my life and affects the way I live my life now. But hey, I'm still Jane and am now probably an even better version of me.

We all use words to describe our friends, family or people we know to other people. You may have found yourself doing this (I know I have)...... You know bridget don't you?, 'fat bridget'? or You know Julie, the one that had cancer and has the ugly kids? Oh you know steve, bold steve....... and so on.
I have often wondered how someone would discribe me to someone else in a conversation. I used to be 'Jane, the one with no hair' (that was the days when I used to shave my head) 'Jane that works in the gym' thats the few that I know, i'm sure there's others. Anyway my point is that now I know it will be 'you know my friend Jane, the one with the brain tumour' or my daughter/sister/neice/daughter in law/friend with the brain tumour...bla bla bla. You get the picture.
That doesn't bother me so much, because I wouldn't hear that anyway. But what does bother me, is that a lot of people just assume things about me. That I am happy just to be all about my illness, that I wanna talk about it every time I see them, that thats all I have or want to talk about and that I must want them to ask me. It would be nice for someone to say something different or to ask me something else for a change. But that rarely happens now!
If I said, 'I don't wanna talk about that today' I think it would cause embarrasement or tension and maybe make people think I was in denial!
Sometimes I feel like screaming 'THATS NOT ALL I HAVE IN MY LIFE YOU KNOW' I don't blame people for being this way with me, as I know a lot of the time people just don't know what to say to me and they want to show that they care and r interested in whats happening to me etc. But it still does my head in.
Even though I don't wanna be all about my tumour, it feels like other people do.

I don't really know if this is what I wanna say today. It has been on my mind tho, as I've seen 2 poeple this week that I haven't seen for a while and thats all they asked my about!!

I have 2 types of bad days. Type 1: which is having a shit day because of how I'm feeling and thinking about things that relate to my tumour and how its affecting things in my life (Quite cryey and emotional) then there's Type 2: the type of bad day that we all have, spill the milk, feeling fat, miss the bus, hate work, kids r driving you mad, run out of wine, burnt the dinner etc. When I have a type 1 bad day there are a lot of fuck fuck fuckedy fucks, my eyes leak a lot and I wanna be left alone to drink wine & eat chocolate and generally be in my own sack of sad shit. Its one of the few times I don't wanna talk and I want be left on my own. Type 2 (I think everyone must feel the same) I just need a cuddle, to know that i'm loved and appreciated and for someone to listen to my days crap. oh and more wine :-)
Today is a type 1 bad day......Lee's gone to get the wine.