Tuesday 19 June 2012

Life

Life

Life can be hard
Life can be happy
You make your life your own
You lead your life as you make it
Sometimes life is dull
Sometimes you can't live life the way you would like to
Life is full of ups and downs
You can live your life on a high
You can live your life on a low
Life can take you to the top
Life can bring you back down to earth with a bang
Life can make you sad
Life can make you feel alone
Life can be blind
Life can go wrong
Life is short
Life can be short lived
Sometimes life could look bleak
Life can lead nowhere
Life can be scary
Life can be imitating
Life can seem pointless
Life can be messy
Life is full of mistakes
Life can never be turned back
You can't make life's wrongs right
Life is confusing
You only get one chance at life
Life can make you feel cheated
People can make your life happy
People can make your life sad
People can lead your life wether you want to or not


christie park

Wednesday 13 June 2012

I'm a gym bunny again!!

It's really hard going back to the gym. Not physically but mentally difficult.
After being a fitness & aerobics instructor for nearly 8yrs, loving my job, being G.I Jane, being super fit and teaching other people. To now go back to a gym and be a "newbe" being treated like a "numpty" is not a nice way to start back.
Loads of things remind me of my work days in the gym (obvious) breaks my heart a little bit.
I have said to them that I had used gyms for 7yrs previous to my diagnosis and that I am an experienced gym user, so they are not under any impression that I'm a beginner or someone that doesn't really know what they are doing.
(I haven't done any exercise for about 2 years now)

I deliberately didn't want to tell them what I used to do for a living, I just want to be me and due to personal experience I know instructors tend to un intentionally change the way they are with you once they know you are or were an instructor! Things like "oh you probably know that already" or "you could probably teach me a thing or two" or "you won't need me to show you that"....that sort of thing!!
But I obviously have to tell them about my epilepsy and it's like they are putting the kid gloves on and telling me to take it easy before they even know what I can do, like "do a step forward instead of a lunge" as if I have never done exercise before. I don't wanna do fucking steps forward!

My doctor even wrote them a letter saying I am physically able to take part in ANY exercise as long as they or the person with me know how to help/react to my seizures.
I just wanna get in there & get BEASTED!! But it seems like they are affraid of me doing anything more than a walk on the treadmill in case my epileptic brain explodes.

I found it really hard today to stand there and be understanding and patient with the instructor.
I know what it's like to be the other side, to be an instructor and I know how difficult it can be sometimes. Plus they don't know me!!

I will probably end up being like a thorn in there side. But I'm not going to fanny about and I am going to get the most out of this.
I'm facing the fear and am brave enough to go, so I don't want to waste my time whilst I'm there.
I've got my fitness test next week, I'll show all the determination (and tea fuel) Jane Shann is made of :-)

Don't worry.... I know my limits (years of training don't you know)
I expect a lot of you are reading this and thinking I'm a complete loon......Yeah, your probably right. 



Quote's of the day

I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance.  Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal - and soon they'll forget my number.  ~Edith Armstrong
 
It's not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life ;it is how you handle what happens to you.
Zig Ziglar

 
Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.
- Proverb

I hope these quotes make you feel a bit more positive with whatever you are up to this week. I know I need a bit more of the positive love :-)



Wednesday 6 June 2012

Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway.....ah go on

"Feel the fear and do it anyway" is my new motto
Had another one of my big ones on Friday (4 mins) longest and worst one ever. It scared the shit out of me and I was thinking I wouldn't come out of it the other end (seriously!)
I'm going to start calling my fucking awful big ones MIL. See if you can you work out what I'm on about!?..... ;-)
Anyway since being over the side effects of radiotherapy and coming off of Epilim, compared with what I felt like before....I feel like Jane on red bull.........Well not all of the time.
Joined a gym & done my induction. Done my first class tonight. I'm so excited to be back! sad I know. Wooooooooo Hoooooooooo ......Skippedy skip.
I won't be doing Jumping Jacks tho, as I still wet myself a little when I do those!! (after having Jamie).
I will always have one of "my people" with me, just in case I need them. It's much better training with someone else anyway.
Linda is my main gym bitch!! she seems a bit freaked by my G.I Jane type attitude. But then she never knew 'fitness instructor Jane' and what I was like in my "old life" (I've only known Linda a year). But bless her she's well up for going, doing it for me. So that I get to go.
I'm been feeling very seizure-ish the last couple of days, so I think a MIL might be on it's way.