Its one of those big bastard weeks

I don't feel like anything good can come of this week!

I haven't weighed myself for 5 months. Reason being that since time began, I have had body image and weight issue's. After my diagnosis I was sooooooo worried about putting on loads of weight and losing my shape (mainly due to inactivity). But after about 6 months I thought 'life is too short to keep beating yourself up about your weight and how you look' so I decided to stop weighing myself and tried to be more comfortable in my own skin for once.
A fat lot of good that did me!!! I've put on over a stone, feel really rubbish and depressed about myself.

Thinking about the amount I've been through in the last year, people may think 'So you've put on a bit of weight, whats the big deal? things could be a lot worse for you' but my weight has always been a big deal to me (ALWAYS) and has influenced a lot of stuff in my life.
I don't wanna be this way. I wish I could be a person that was comfortable with their self and didn't worry about the whole weight thing. Its sad, I'm a sado!! But at the same time its been a struggle for all of my adult life to keep my weight under control. I really struggled with the whole body image thing when I was a teenager and that has never left me. I wish that someone could re-programme that part of my brain!!!!

I never really talk to anyone about it, coz I know its boring, no one is interested and everyone has their own issues to deal with anyway! But I do talk to Lee and Louise about weight stuff and how I feel. They probably get a bit pissed at me!! But I wouldn't want to and don't talk about it to anyone else.

Moan over. Bottom line is that I realised this week how fat I had gotten :-(