Friends come and go

When something major happens in your life, its hard when you find out who your real friends are. I keep going back to this, but it's something that has really hit me and something I still think about. Not all the time, but every now and again it pops back into my head and it makes me sad and upset and today is one of those days.

I don't think 'selfish, horrible people, they blatantly didn't/don't really care about me and I'm better off without them' I think 'maybe I should email or text them, find out how they are, maybe it was really hard for them and maybe it makes them sad we don't see each other anymore.......'
But in reality they don't care! and I should think and believe that. But it's tragic to think that these people I did/do deeply care about, can't be there for me or even at least try. Even to try and understand how I might be feeling or even what I might need from our friendship. It fucking sucks that they don't even try!

Or maybe, it has given them all an excuse to 'dump me/phase me out' Or maybe I was only a good friend when I was being there for them! making all the effort and now I'm dead wood coz I can't be that kinda friend for them anymore. Maybe it is me! it can't be them, as I've lost more than one friend since being diagnosed!!!

I know that everyone has their own lives to live and maybe I just don't fit into that anymore. I understand that everyone has their own little 'soap operas' called 'life' going on and I've got mine. But its sad that I can't just appear in an episode of theirs every now and then and they in mine. Have I been killed off and never to return? or am I like Den Watts everyone thinks he's dead, no body was found and then he returns years later? (on a random there!)

Get over yourself, its been a year. So your friends have gone, make new ones. So you've got a brain tumour, deal with it. So your sad sometimes, aren't we all. So you feel afraid of the future, aren't most people. So you feel neglected and lonely, you've got your family so whats the problem?
SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM????????

Mum quote: 'Friends come and go but family are for life'
She always said this when me and my sister used to pick friends over each other, be horrible and fall out. But she'd change it to.....'Friends come and go but sisters are for life'
When I was younger I used to think what a load of bollocks! But the funny thing is that, we are best friends now and we are always there for each other. Not because we have to, but because we choose and want to be. So I guess my mum was right!
But I also believe friends should be & are important too.