Gutted!!

Got to thinking about tumour shit (again), coz of what Julia is going through at the moment.
Even though I'm reminded of having a brain tumour every day and have excepted its gonna kill me and I'm gonna die.
Sometimes it's just sitting there in the back of my mind, it doesn't fill my every thought of every day and I do often think things like 'I might not see Jamie's first day at school' etc etc
But I also think the dying, getting worse, growing thing won't be sort of happening for a few years yet. I don't mean silly amount of years! but maybe like 3yrs at the earliest!!

But what's has made me re think about it all this week is a couple of things really.
Lee's boss called him in for a meeting to discuss shifts etc as they have been accommodating Lee at work since my diagnosis. His boss asked Lee "where do you see yourself in 2 yrs time" (I think that is a really fucking stupid question) and Lee said amongst other things "I can't see past 2 months and it would depended on how ill Jane was and whether she was still here or not".
Also and I'm sure Julia won't mind me saying!? she was only diagnosed 6 months before me with exactly the same type of tumour! and for both of us the best scan results we can receive is 'no change' and Julia's results this time around showed 'change'.

So these things have made me re-realise the time scale I've got (2-15yrs) I think someone has lived 25yrs or something like that! but he was extremely lucky and as we know, that is defiantly not me (lucky). Anyway you sort of hope your somewhere in the middle and I thought 'yeah that sounds about right' and I think I sort of settled on the idea of round about 5-10yrs ish, if I made it to 10yrs I'd be well chuffed :-) Can you imagine me being 40? I had written that off already, coz i didn't think I'd make it. So haven't even imagined what I'd do for my 40th. I am a random one!!!
So to think it all might come to an end in the next couple of years.....GUTTED!! but then I knew that might be the case already really. Its just this week I've been reminded of it.

Me and my boys are on our hols for a week. It always pisses it down when we go away!!!
See you when we get back.

Oh and hopefully I will back on here a bit more now.