I don't feel like anything good can come of this week!
I haven't weighed myself for 5 months. Reason being that since time began, I have had body image and weight issue's. After my diagnosis I was sooooooo worried about putting on loads of weight and losing my shape (mainly due to inactivity). But after about 6 months I thought 'life is too short to keep beating yourself up about your weight and how you look' so I decided to stop weighing myself and tried to be more comfortable in my own skin for once.
A fat lot of good that did me!!! I've put on over a stone, feel really rubbish and depressed about myself.
Thinking about the amount I've been through in the last year, people may think 'So you've put on a bit of weight, whats the big deal? things could be a lot worse for you' but my weight has always been a big deal to me (ALWAYS) and has influenced a lot of stuff in my life.
I don't wanna be this way. I wish I could be a person that was comfortable with their self and didn't worry about the whole weight thing. Its sad, I'm a sado!! But at the same time its been a struggle for all of my adult life to keep my weight under control. I really struggled with the whole body image thing when I was a teenager and that has never left me. I wish that someone could re-programme that part of my brain!!!!
I never really talk to anyone about it, coz I know its boring, no one is interested and everyone has their own issues to deal with anyway! But I do talk to Lee and Louise about weight stuff and how I feel. They probably get a bit pissed at me!! But I wouldn't want to and don't talk about it to anyone else.
Moan over. Bottom line is that I realised this week how fat I had gotten :-(
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ReplyDeleteJane:
ReplyDeleteI know a bit how you feel. Logically you know the main thing you should be worried about is the cancer and be relieved that things are going well. But the girl in you can't help but be self conscious about cosmetic issues.
Stupid cancer.
Your friend,
Liz
It's a shame that horrid little tumour couldn't have grown on your 'appetite' part of the brain !!! The same as me keeping forgetting things lately.... wish I could forget to eat bad stuff and drink alcohol !!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's such hard work constantly beating yourself up about your weight, I know !!!!
Yeah I was thinking the same thing, about it being on the appetite part of my brain :-)
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