Haven't got any fucking chocolate

Being brave together today.......

Me and Lee had an appointment with a lady (Kathy) from a 'Grief support for the young' thing, its called SeeSaw and it is sort of like Grief counseling but they work with the whole family and make sure the child/children are supported at home and at school.
http://www.seesaw.org.uk/
They are basically there for Children that have lost someone close to them. But they also deal with family's that have a parent with a terminal illness.
They can help you with what to say to your children (that's appropriate for there age) how much to tell them, when etc and do loads more. They support you all as a family 'before' and 'after'.

The reason's why we decided to do it now (if your thinking 'bit keen')
1. To see how Jamie is coping with my seizures and how we can make it all easier for him.
2. He has started asking more questions about my seizures and why I have them. Wanted to say the right things.
3. To build up a relationship with someone 'before', so that he is secure and comfortable with them 'after' I've gone and isn't just faced with loads of new people after mummy has died.
4. We had got some children's books explaining epilepsy and lifetimes and wanted to ask advice on that.

Kathy reassuringly said that it is really good to start all these type of things now, so that your drip feeding them bits of information as things happen. She said not to tell them what might happen, but what is happening day to day or as things progress.
I feel so much better knowing that Jamie & Lee will have someone they know to help and support them after I've died.
Its also such a relief to know now that they can actually help and support us at any point through my illness.

Kathy also said she can help us all with the memory box type ideas and what sort of different things we can do.

Even though it was positive & helpful, it's just one of those shitty things that need arranging really. It wasn't so emotional as we've both been through the hard crying our eyeballs out stage with it all so many times.
Having said that It's so hard when it comes to your children, because just thinking about what they will go through and how it will change there lives etc feels like someone is trying to rip your heart out of your chest. But you just get used to having to talk about it all the time and explain to people what is likely to happen, what will happen, what can't be done, bla bla yak yak. So you just end up becoming very robotic and matter of fact about it all....well we seem to have 2 yrs down the line (which actually feels like 5yrs).

Actually I haven't had chocolate and a good cry in a while. Think it's needed