Soooo lonely

I think anyone that hasn't got or had an illness can appreciate how fucking lonely it is. How you have to deal with daily struggles, tears, med side effects, how it all affects the people you love etc (and there is loads more) on your own, on a daily bases and how you are left to pretty much 'get on with it'.
I am struggling to take Jamie to school now on my own, because I feel it's unsafe for both of us. It's too far to walk, can't trike it, the buses aren't ideal times in the mornings and I haven't the confidence to go on the bus on my own with Jamie anyway (the 'just in case' factor).
Every now and again the 'old' Jane in me say's 'fuck it, just get on the bus or what ever, just do it' But every time I'm brave and try to do something I have a big hideous seizure that injures me and causes me deep distress.
Anyway I'm lucky I have my sister, she will do everything and anything to help me if she can and she has been doing school run for me and Jamie.
But that's ALL I have in my day now, drop Jamie at school and pick him up and I can't even do that job properly (on my own). But I don't care how bad things get that will always be my thing I do for Jamie (my job for Jamie) It is isolating for me and my boys having to deal with all this stuff, everyday.

I don't tell people what's going on with appointments and meds anymore. I have so many appointments, I just wanna go in, deal with it, deal with what's said or decided and get on with it. It's so much easier that way, coz I don't have to worry about anyone else! I can just be selfish and focus on me and have Lee there as my support.
I just want to have normal chit chat with people and not talk about it every time I meet up with someone, It fucking depresses me. I wanna feel more normal and chat and laugh about silly shit. I also hate seeing the sadness in people's faces when I tell them stuff, so i'd rather not.
I do feel a bit sorry for my sis though as on our coffee day I do off load on her a bit, but then we chat about everything and I wouldn't not say.
My mum said a classic last week that made me smile. I was talking to her about all the crap stuff that had happened in the week (weekly crap update) and she said (in a soft way) 'oh you pooooor cow' I think a lot of people probably think that. But it was just the sweet way my mum said it.

Anyway really fucking tired now. Normally in bed by 9pm!!!