Wish I felt lucky at the moment

I was thinking today, it's been nearly a year and a half since my diagnosis and I don't seem to have moved on much or come very far!!
Maybe in the future when things are worse for me eg when the physical or mental crap is happening to me, being in hospital having treatment etc I will look back and think 'God I had it so much easier back then, even good, all I had to deal with was seizures!!
In the future when I am much worse, will I look back and think 'I could do so much then. I could use my right arm to type and write. I could walk unaided. Why did I bitch and moan? I was so lucky.
It's just I don't feel very lucky! maybe I should.
Maybe I should feel lucky.....lucky just to be here.
Been thinking a lot lately about dying and not being here. I think when your ill and you know it's gonna get ya, you go through stages of thinking about not being here. Well I do anyway. Then it gets me thinking about all that crap again.

I just wish I felt lucky at the moment, as I have a lot to feel lucky about.

Had a fantastic happy day with my family which does make me feel lucky today :-)