I just get so fucking fed up with it all.
Not being in control of my life or what is happening to me
Living with these seizures and knowing it's always going to be that way
Medication: taking it everyday, trying different drugs, different doses, side effects etc until I can just get the best I can hope for.
Not being able to drive (oh that one again!!)
Blaaaa Blaaa bla. Yeah Jane we have heard it all before.
It's shit enough having a brain tumour but why do I have to live with these fucking seizures?? I HATE it. I HATE them.
They take away your confidence, your self respect and your desire to go out and socialise. When they happen, you feel embarrassment. not only for your self, but for the people that know you and the people that don't. You can worry sometimes about your safety.
I worry if I might fall over and if someone would help me. If someone might lead Jamie away! etc etc.
and then you read something like this.....
Submitted by Mayville on 8 March, 2010
I have been taking Epilim at 2500/day for over two years. I have had hair loss,skin rashes, psuedo parkinsonism (shaking hands), total memory blocks, irrational / compulsive / erratic behaviour which has cost me a lot of money in just buying dumb things that I would never have bought before I got this drug.
I was on carbamazepine but I had severe rare reaction to it, my teeth chattered together like a sewing machine, really fast & even in my sleep. I was moved from carb. to valproate and the truth is that my Doctor says, the type of hyperconvulsive events that I have, there's very few options on the market that are effective for me. More modern medicines have fewer side effects for most people, but for some seizure disorders valproate is the only solution that is a solid defense against the events.
I consider myself lucky really ,despite the side effects. Before I got Depakine and then the Epilim, I had hyperconvulsive seizures that broke : both hips, 6 ribs, both shoulders. Ive had lungs full of blood, and a 1.8 minute flatline. All just from banging against the floor. But since I got valproate 2 years ago I haven't had a single seizure, despite the side effects.
I know there are always people out there worse off than ourselves, but it doesn't make it any fucking easier to live with your own situation every day, does it???
Over time will I come to think 'fuck it, It's gonna happen whether I like it or not. Don't really give a shit any more. It's a seizure. I look and sound a bit of a twat for about 30 secs and then its over'? but then my meds might control my seizures to the point that my hand only twitches and I feel a bit dizzy and no one will even notice. Who knows?
All I know is that I fucking HATE them and being told I will have to live with these fuckers for the rest of my life is fucking depressing la la.
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How my daughter was saved from grand mal seizure.
ReplyDeleteI am not really a fan of sharing my personal private story on the internet but i decided to do this because this joy is too voluminous for me to hide. My daughter which i took over 8 years after marriage to conceive had her first seizure at age 6 and ever since then it has been from one seizure to another in school, in church, at picnics. This got me worried because she has a bright future that i do not want epilepsy to become a hindrance, i tried several doctors in Texas and none could help with an effective cure. I went on the internet and saw testimonies about a treatment for epilepsy which a doctor offered and i was interested, i got in contact with him and i was able to get the medicine for my daughter which she used for 3 months as he instructed and it has been over 6 months now she is doing just fine without any allergies or aftermath effects. If you are suffering problem try to reach him too on (josephalberteo@gmail.com) i can count on him for a cure for you too.